Thursday, October 26, 2006

All in all...

So, I guess I better start off by talking about the big news in Mexico. Yep, smooth-crooning living legend Luis Miguel has knocked up Aracely Arámbula!! (seen here symbolically holding a picture of the father to be.) Such great news, I nearly spilled my breakfast coke when I saw the headline. About time Luis you old dog! May your offspring be blessed with the same great hair you are so famous for.

In other more trivial matters George Bush has approved the construction of a big wall. So what, who cares about some wall you say. Well, this wall's pretty damn big. I'm talking Great Wall of China Big. Oh yeah and expensive. It's going to cost about 1.2 billion US smackeroos.

The wall is going to to be built over 1200 km of the US - Mexico border, for the purpose of keeping illegal immigrants, drug mules and Los Tigres Del Norte south of said border, where they belong. Thing is the border is actually 3141 km long, the longest in the world. So if you really want to sneak across the border you still can, and the Mexican Commission for Human Rights will help you with handy hint maps of the best places to do it. Just watch out for the Minutemen, cos they'll probably disguise themselves with sombreros to get some maps and strategically use them somehow in their untiring defense of the Homeland (TM).

So everyone in Mexico is pretty pissed off at this whole wall idea. President Fox compared it to the Berlin wall, and said it'll just fall down anyway. I'm not sure if he meant metaphorically or literally, or both. I think he's just mad because he thought him and Bush were mates after that time he gave George a pair of cowboy boots and they stood in front of a cool pickup truck.

Presidente elect Felipe Calderon is mad too, specially as he's about to do his first official visit to the US. That's gonna be an awkward encounter...

Bush: Hola Felipe, welcome to the Unidedstatesuvmerriga. Hey guess what? We're gonna build a big wall separating our two fine allied countries.

Calderon: Chinga tu madre, no cowboy boots for you asshole.

I reckon the 1.2 billion budget is an overestimate though. I mean don't tell me they're going to hire unionized labour to build this thing. Just hire undocumented Mexican workers to build it! No pesky taxes or insurance costs, plus they'll work at least 18 hour shifts. Just kidding, as if they would have illegal immigrants building a wall to keep illegal immigrants out, that would be too ironic...right?

Tuesday, September 26, 2006


Welcome to the Internet's four billionth blog, where I will post informed and well thought out essays about life, culture, events, and drug wars in Mexico. In Mexico they say "¡como México no hay dos!" which basically means that no other country compares to Mexico, a slight understatement. The other more general translation of the phrase is "Mexico rules!" And it does.

I first came to Mexico in 2001, following a señorita I had met in Paris, for a one month stay that turned into a three year experience. I'm back here again, this time to marry the aforementioned señorita.

I live with her in the city of Monterrey, the third biggest in the country, with around 4 million people. It is also the wealthiest city in Latin America which is why you see a lot of people driving around in Maseratis and bullet proof Hummers. (If you buy a Hummer in Mexico it's a good idea to get the bullet proof option, as drug lords, police and anyone else with a gun will feel obliged to shoot you.)

It's the industrial capital of the country, surrounded by beautiful mountains and desert terrains, hot as hell most of the year and home to infamous football rivals Los Rayados and Los Tigres (not to be confused with Los Tigres del Norte. )